The Maldives Are Safe!


There is a concrete wall by the sea where I stay at present. Last night I sat on the wall with a mug of wine, listened to some music and watched the sun go down. I have stayed here several times before and I do not know if there is a scientific explanation for it but the sunsets are always phenomenal. They truly are. As the last of the day’s light played on the water it crossed my mind that in fifty years time the Maldives will have disappeared, so they say. Global warming will melt the ice caps and raise the water to such a level that low lying land will be flooded. “There is a lot of water in the sea” I thought, “it would need a lot of ice to melt to change the level much”. And then a thought crossed my mind, ice is water, the ice is in the sea, in order for it to float it must displace the same as its own weight in the area it displaces. In other words the ice is water, it is already in water, if it heats sufficiently it goes from a solid to a liquid, but it is still water in water, or, it will not make a scrap of difference and all the people living in the Maldives can stop worrying and spending all of their money on swimming trunks.
I wish for this blog to be a responsible and informative publication. I do not wish to mislead my readers, and so I left my perch on the wall and headed for the nearest bar in order to conduct a scientific experiment.
I thought that it would be rude to order just a glass of tap water and some ice so upon taking my seat I ordered a bottle of beer. I ordered a large bottle as I imagined that this experiment could be mentally taxing and therefor bring about quite a thirst. I also imagined the ladies serving in the bar would become quite enthralled in my experiment and thus I abhorred the notion of sending one off for refreshments before the experiment reach its conclusion.
The lady arrived with my beer, a glass of tap water and a glass of ice. I took an ashtray and made very sure that it was dry. I explained to the girl that I was conducting a controlled experiment and the ashtray was The Maldives. She smiled a worried smile. I stood the glass of ice in the ashtray and explained that it was a polar ice cap. She said “ahh”. I then took a sip of my beer and with great care I filled the ice cap brimming full with water, explaining to the small crowd of ladies now gathered around me that this was the seven seas. They looked at each other, then at the glass, and then at me. They all said “ahh”.
We waited. It was a warm evening and the tap water was warm, so the melting was not the drawn out affair it could have been in, let us say for example, an English garden in November. The girls all stood around as I explained my theory in full to them. Some thirsty men at another table who clearly had no respect for science enquired if they were going to have to wait all night for their beer – well the query was in Thai but from the inclination and tone I assume that was the basis of their enquiry – and two of the girls sidled off to take care of the thirsty heathens.
After about twenty minutes the ice finally finished melting. With the exception of a tiny amount of water that could be put down to condensation the ashtray was dry. It is official, The Maldives are safe!



4 thoughts on “The Maldives Are Safe!

  1. Hi David.

    I am not sure if your argument would convince the UN environmental change scientists but what the heck.

    Anyway, nice talking to you at Pak Bara. I apologize I wasn’t more fun, but those couple of beers already caused me some stomach cramps during the night. Fully recovered and back on track now – thai food tastes so much better now!

    Had a couple of easy days there to recover. Even though I did go back to “our” eatery I didn’t get further with the girl.

    Happy travel!

    • Well the thing is that the environmental agencies tell us that we have global warming. Several thousand years ago the UK had a tropical climate, now it doesn’t: um?
      Hope you are well now, feeling for and getting along.

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